Saturday, April 23, 2005
very sorry...
it's all my fault..
it began all because of me...
i agree with everybody out there whu thinks u should forget the past..
cuz i finally understand how u realli feel..
now tat i understand...
i'm lost n in a mess..
cuz i'm affected greatly n also very hurt to hear all those from u after talking to u..
i now have a clearer pic of the whole incident(s)..
now i do hate myself...
i really feel dead now...
i died...
from the moment u told me all these..
from the moment i was lost for words...
it's been so long but u cannot forget...
it shows that it really affects u alot..
things are not that simple..
it's more than it meets the eye...
it makes me feel lyk there's no way out..
is it juz lyk how i feel..
i now begin to think i nv treated u well..
all those things i have done for u...
it's nothing compared to what u are going through..
the hurt u have received is very deep..
too deep to say out...
words can no longer express how u feel..
all from the start i should have realised tat...
i'm a jerk, dumb, stupid n anything u can say about me...
i couldn't see something right in front of me...
i was so blind..
with so many ppl telling me yet i did not listen...
i'm just so stubborn..
when will i ever learn from my mistakes..
when will history ever stop repeating time after time..
it's all my fault k...
blame me all u want..
u have the right to do so..
i wun say anything cuz i fully agree that it's my fault...
all i really wish is that u will be the person who i first knew..
somebody who isn't affected by all these..
i'm really sorry..
is there anything i can do to make things beta...
tell me if there is..
i would glady do so..
Friday, April 22, 2005
i'm feeling so bored now..
wad's life becuming to..
it's the same thing everydae..
can i have something to look forward to everydae...
it's foreva study cum home so tired liao...
then study bathe eat sleep...
same routine everydae...
can i lyk have a more exciting life...
haiz...
cannot do sports now..
cuz exam coming..
so lame la...
haiz..
then so long nv play pool liao...
probably after exams then play?
then now wanna go out also cannot...
cuz exams coming...
i noe i need to study hard but i'm veri stressed up also..
let me take a breather before i continue..
it's onli 4 months in the 2 years of suffering before o level..
n i'm alreadi so stress..
how to make it for o level...
haiz...
now i'm home alone again..
nobody to prepare lunch so i nv eat...
feeling hungry but nothing to eat...
feel lyk sleeping but cannot..
cuz gotta bring younger sis to tuition lata...
Sunday, April 17, 2005
tis post is for all the "seniors" whu actually insulted the band members especially the cornet section n the one "senior" whu wanted us to get a COP!to tat "senior" whu tinks tat she has every right to cum back n scold the band...then i tink ur wrong...
cuz u din state the facts correctly...
n u INSULTED the cornets!
tat is enough to piss me off big tym k...
n for ur info we din sae anything abt kenneth or the clarinets k!
so pls get ur facts rite!
n we dared to sae out stuff not becuz wan wei n daphne is in our section...
but becuz we're juz stating the facts...
n for ur info...
we were saying tat iskandar was the one whu wanted us to get a COP not others!
so beta get all these into ur brain!
to tat "senior" whu wanted us to get a COP!i tink we juz disappointed u..
cuz we got a bronze which is filled wif our hard work n effort...
to others...
tis mayb nothing...
but to us..
tis is the result of us putting in tym n effort...
we agree we should have gotten a beta result...
but is the medal all tat realli matters...
it's the hardwork n tym tat we all were willing to contribute...
AND TO ALL THE OTHER SENIORS WHU TINK TAT U HATE CRESTWINDS RIGHT NOW!
I TINK IF UR DUN CUM BACK WE'LL B MORE THAN GLAD!
Friday, April 15, 2005
TIS BLOG POST IS FOR TAN LEYING TO C:SO WAD IF UR GOT A SLIVER FOR 2003!
SO WAD If WE ONLI GOT A BRONZE!
IT DOESN'T GIVE U A REASON TO COMMENT TAT IT WASN'T A GOOD EXPERIENCE!
U WERE JUZ A DAMN AUDIENCE.!
WE WERE THEN THE PLAYERS.!
AT LEAST WE DID OUR VERI BEST.!
WE WOKE UP EVEN BEFORE U WERE HALF WAY INTO UR SLEEP.!
WE WENT BACK TO SKOOL TO GO THRU THE PIECES AGAIN EVEN BEFORE THE SUN ROSE.!
WE PUT IN TYM N EFFORT.!
WAD DID UR DO.!
CUM BACK SIT THERE N JUZ DO NTH.!
SINCE U DUN LYK THE CURRENT Y DUN U JUZ STOP CUMING BACK.!
I'M SURE U R MOST WELCUM NOT TO CUM BACK!
WE DO NOT NEED U.!
WE GOT OUR OWN TALENTED PPL TOO.!
WE GOT OWN CONDUCTORS TO GUIDE US.!
WE DUN NEED U.!
DUN WANNA C U AT THE BAND ROOM AGAIN!
MOST LIKELY U WILL JUZ SABO US.!
yesterdae was the first tym i ever cried for band..
i din expect to cry...
i was controling all the way back to skool..
but on the bus i couldn't hold on..
then reach skool stop...
then on the way up the stairs i couldn't control n i juz let it go again...
had kinda tok by mrs low...
then there was a bunch of assholes outside the band room making so much noise!
they can laugh at us for getting a bronze..
but do they have any idea how we feel...
after all the hard work...
n there in the band room was a group of idiots plus assholes whu wanna COP so much!
to them getting a bronze is nothing...
tat's because they nv put in any effort...
all they noe how to do is to make noise...
the rest of the band work so bloody hard...
we even came back in the holidaes to prepare n plus all the extra n long practices...
we play our instruments til we have the marks on ur lips n stuff...
n wad did they do for the band?
contributing to the noise!
n we also got disqualified all becoz of the noise they were making!
i dun tink we deserve a bronze...
after syf's results came out...
it was obvious to whu doesn't lyk to b in the band...
even if they wan i dun tink we should welcum if they r juz gonna get the band into trouble...
i tink we need a re-structuring of the whole band...
get those ppl whu r not interested out...
onli those interested n commited should stay...
it's not so much a matter if u can play...
i wanna stay another year so i can play in syf 2007..i'm nuts huh...i noe i can't...tis is the first n last syf wif crestwinds...i wish to play wif the syf 2005 crestwinds again..it's kinda of impossible...the memories tat we have of syf 2005 is veri special...realli hope tat the conductors will stay..feel tat if they leave the band will collasped...pls dun leave us here alone...Tuesday, April 12, 2005
i'm totally stressed up..
wif syf n exams comin..
plus soon other stuff...
every nite i close my eyes i start tinking again..
i even have to try to sleep every nite...
unlike last tym where i can juz sleep immediately...
syf is juz 2 days..
n in 1 n a half hour tym..
it will b down to 1 day...
i guess i realli stressed n scared..
hope to get a gold...
if we cannot get a gold at least a sliver...
i'm sure everybody in the right state of mind would not wan a bronze or worse COP...
let's juz work together s a band for once n give the sec 4 n 5 a good memory...
dun have to mood to study for 'ting xie' tml...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
i noe how u feel...
so it's not for me to sae if u should b wif me...
becuz it was my fault before tis...
but i realli change alreadi...
we both got hurt...
u sae tat i nv realli cared or loved u..
but y dun u juz c tat i'm realli caring n loving u...
no matter wad u have said to me have not made me give up...
wad u told me on fridae killed me...
it juz killed me but i still waited n m still waiting..
plus the blog post of urs todae...
no matter how hard u try to push me away i did not...
y izzit so..
cuz i truly love u...
in the past mayb i realli gave up...
but now my thinking has changed...
i no longer give up tat easily...
each tym i fall it onli makes me...
stronger...
wanna b wif u more...
i have marks on my legs tat will make me rbm u...
tis is the worst wound i ever got...
2 n a half weeks..
n i'm still seeing the wound...
but din mind...
the physical pain i have to go thru...
i almost had to go n stitch it up...
some juz c it as a cut tat's lyk others...
but they dunno the reason for it...
i'm hurt now...
physical n mental...
so r u..
probably wad u need is more tym...
but i'm not sure if tym is the factor tat can change everything..
were u there for me when i collasped...
u r not the onli one whu falls...
i'm also human i also fall n get hurt...
i realli hope to hear ur encouragement n support for tis thursae syf...
but the question is will i.?
the decision n choice is still after all urs..
todae saw a few weird ppl dancin para para n ddr...
one was wearing high heels...
one was dancing horribly...
one was jumping around...
suppose they dunno wad's dancing...
but nvm...
none of my business...
todae had lunch at swensens...
wif titus sam peiying danielle gladys amanda...
we had kinda fun tym together laughing n toking..
it's been a long tym since we all ate together in such a big group...
then went off wif danielle n peiying to sit bus 7..
i n danielle got off at ps while peiying sat back home..
danielle went to sit the NEL back home...
n i went to x-zone to look around while waiting for joanne..
supposed to meet her two other frenz..
but they din cum in the end so left two of us...
we go walk ard then go arcade..
then also nth to play there so left...
then call mel aka joanne's baby cum...
while waiting for her...
we walk around...
go to cine de rooftop to talk...
then go outside k box sit...
then decided to go for a drink at kfc...
then sat there n tok til mel came...
then we go take neoprints... AGAIN!
the pics look funnie...
wif onli joanne posing n da two of us popping into the pics suddenly...
cuz we were busy toking...
then walk over to heeren...
go up to the cafe at the last level...
then mel got a drink there n we looked at the writings on the table...
the writings realli describe our/rather my feelings...
then go back home from there...
din realli go anywhere...
then saw samrit on the way..
me n joanne were lyk chatting abt the past...
n brought up all those funnie stuff...
Friday, April 08, 2005
without thinking...
yes..
it's been a year...
things happened n changed...
last year tis tym we were in NYAA camp...
where i started to noe more abt u n having a lyking for u...
the first impression i got from u was...
a funnie, easy going person..
someone whu isn't afraid even if the world colllapses...
but s tym went by...
u were not so much of a perfect person..
there were also tyms when u were feeling low, off-mooded..
n s i got to noe u more...
u showed to me tat u r not actually a veri strong person...
u are somebody whu breaks down easily..
u needed someone to take care of u...
those tyms which i spent wif u are realli veri precious n special...
it has been part of the memories i have...
even though we do not have many photos taken together..
every single one is special to me..
especially de one which we took together..
those problems which we overcomed...
the road is a tough one to walk...
but still then..
i hope one dae we'll overcome tis tough road together...
but for now..
i wish to c u healthy n happie...
tym n tym again...
u prove to me tat u cannot take care of urself..
u r always falling sick...
n it seems to b getting more n more serious each tym...
probably u should realli go n c the doc...
love u tons...
missing u every moment...
take lots of care...
Friday, April 01, 2005
ur fine at last..
i got one less worry now...
cuz i noe no matter wad...
i cannot make up for everything...
i'm asking myself tis question...
anyone understand the pain i'm in...
i dun tink so..
*And I can't stand the painAnd I can't make it go awayNo I can't stand the pain*juz lyk how it's being describe in the song...
i'm missing u...
no doubt...
anytime or anywhere...
even msn has to spoil at the wrong tym...
can't it juz work n let us chat...
but no matter wad i should b glad tat ur fine again...
it's all my fault tat u weren't fine tat tym...
i dun care if the whole world blames me or hate me for it..
cuz i admit i was the one whu was wrong...
m i breaking down?
if i m, will i stand up again...