even if we will nv be together
being close friends is good enough
i will be the friend that
supports u in everything u do
protects u
will always be there for u
we will joke and crap abt anything
we will study hard together and go to where we wanna go
u will still be that important in my heart

now what's going to happen next
everything back to the start
what can be worse than that
dont know
what's gonna happen to you
i wonder and think
hope nth happens to you
let me be the one to take this
take ur hands of this matter
i will carry this alone
i will carry every unhappiness and unwanted things that happen ALONE
while we'll share happiness together

i realised something
i dont understand myself at all
i dont know who m i
i dont know what kind of person m i
i dont know what kind of attitude and character i have
and if i dont understand myself how am i going to understand *you*
now i fully agree with u saying that i dont understand *you* at all

my world is a blurr vision
i dont know anything abt it
i dont know who are the ppl i can trust
i dont know who are the ppl who will nv leave me
i used to trust everybody ard me
but as time goes by
i felt that i should not
cause the number of ppl who i can trust is very few

i'm afraid
cause im weak inside
im not as tough as i appear
whenever i fall
i wished that the person that picks me up again is *you*
but it hasnt and maybe will nv happen
everytime i fall i have to pick myself up
even if im badly hurt

but now i understand something
i dont wanna force u
i dont wanna let u feel that im forcing *you* to be with me
i will just let u feel that i'm just like any of ur other friends
i wan u to just treat me as ur other friends
without any boundaries
we can crap and talk abt anything under the sun
maybe by doing so
i will understand myself and *you*
give me time to try and understand you
i will try my best to understand

i dont request for anything
except that if that one day ever comes
when u wanna be with me
please tell me dont drop me hints
cause i'm dumb i dont understand hints
i would accept u without hesitating

having stayed with us for 8 days now
we have to give u away
it is sad
i feel so uneasy
i miss u so much
seeing ur picture makes me cry
no surprise
i look strong on the outside but deep inside me i'm weak
although i dont look sad on the surface and tries to show that i'm taking things easy
deep inside me i'm already crying
i need somebody to be there for me

Lucky was my best friend
even though he gave us troubles
he also brightened up everybody's day
he made me felt very happy
the happiness that i have no felt for so long
since the day *you* left me
even having good results din made me feel happy
playing with Lucky was such a joy
i felt so close to him
i could lie on the ground with him and hugging him
he used to disturbed us every night that we couldnt sleep
but now without him i cant sleep too
so sorry that i cant keep him

but thinking back maybe he leaving our family was a good choice
he used to have a garden where he could run and play at
but after coming to my hse
all he had was 4 walls and walks 2 times a day
now all i have to remember him is his pictures and teddy which we gave him
i might be putting up a pic of him in my room
though u are no longer staying with me
u will forever b in my heart
we had to give him to many ppl before we could find one that is suitable
now the lastest is we are going to give it to somebody i dont know
so i wont be able to c him anymore

^If ur still cant figure out who lucky is
he's man's best friend
and he is my best friend

i think i know y we are drifting
after everytime we get close
i guess it's because u take a step back after that
i dont know
but if this is the reason
i think i'm hurt
if u dare to take a step out
y did u take a step back again
y dint u just stay at the step whenever u stepped out

another thing i dont understand
y do u keep pushing me to others
is it wrong for me to like you
i did have a crush on another person
i am no longer perfect
i cannot be perfect anymore
but have i lost the right to like u again
i dont know
what i think is if u really like me
u gotta accept the me who had a crush on somebody else
to like someone u gotta accept everything abt a person
even if that person is gonna be in the worst state a human can be
even if that person has got the worst chracter or attitude
i can accept u for who u are
even if u make urself up to be the worst person in the world
can u accept me?

spent the night at the chalet
had lots of fun
played cards and mahjong
dont really like to gamble nowadays
cause i'm losing my sleep
derek brought his gf there
haha
had fun together
benedict was the clown for the whole time spent in the chalet
we were practically laughing until our stomach hurt
celebrated belinda's and derek's b'day
the adults spent their time by playing mahjong non stop
from yesterday evening all the way til today evening
they are like pro la
play so fast and smart
went to the beach in the afternoon
played in the water
a group of youngsters invited us to a game of captain's ball
i guess that was also when i got something entering my toe
and it's still stuck in there now
they were all like netballers and runners
omg!
and we only had one netballer, Valerie
obviously we didnt win
but the outcome isnt important
the process is more important
went back to the chalet to bathe and clean up
and off we went
came home to feed lucky cause he got no more food
no choice
at the same time unload the stuff home
went for dinner
reached home and bathed lucky
it isnt easy to bathe him
he keeps moving around
i got whack by his tail a few times
it's like pain man

the day is ending again
n we din talk much
but u got ur joy
seeing u happy
is what i wanna c
so i dont mind
we din make it today
maybe we will the next time
but i will ask for time together
til we finally get together
i wanna spend a day with u
we have nv spent a day together before
just a few hours is enough
but dont worry i'm fine
i'm still going all out

i glad we have at least one same thinking
we both agree that friends are important
u rather lose me than to lose ur friends i guess
but i agree
but for me it's different
my friends either except who i'm n who i wish to be with
if not out they go
yes friends are important
but at the end of the day
u are just as important

u r right
im trying to put back the broken pieces together
i sincerely wanna fix the pieces back
im gonna give it all i have
i dont wan dreams i want things to be real
i sincerely wanna be with u again
fixing the broken heart isnt any easier
but i wanna try
since i was the one who broke the heart
let me be the one to fix it
i ask of u a chance
please

it's a year n 2 mths now
memories still in my mind
my love for u growing
i guess u still love me
i wanna hear that coming from u
with u telling me
everytime i need the confidence
im weak
i fall easily
i need someone to be there
n the person is u
only u can do that
will u come back to me again
it isnt bad to look back sometimes

the day of syf
i was frightened
i din dare to play out
but when i started to think of u
i found the courage
the same courage to love u
even though i or rather we didnt do well
at least u have been thru it with me
u werent there
but u were on my mind

I LOVE YOU
these words coming right from my heart
today i really felt super close to u
like u were just beside me
like the world was entirely ours
felt really happy
i wonder do u feel the same

u are in control of my whole world
i din expect myself to be able to mug for the entire afternoon
i have nv done that for a long time
like for years
n i did it today
WITH U!

we talked for long yeah
til our ears were burning
n ur head was pain
but we got laughter n finishing some of our hw

u r afraid that something will happen
cause whenever we come close something will pull us apart
but this time
I WONT LET ANYTHING COME BETWEEN US!

U R MINE!
I DONT CARE WHAT OTHERS SAY
BUT UR MINE!
N OF COURSE I'M URS!
NOBODY IS TO TAKE U AWAY FROM ME!

those words are gonna stay in me!

went to sentosa today
to suntan n to watch band parade
kor din go mayb cause she couldnt make it
so it was meiling di n me
then met joey n her friends at douby gout
then went to the supermarket at harbourfront center
to buy chicken n drink into sentosa
we walked all the way in
cause too many ppl wanting to get on the shuttle bus in
then went to c sembwinds but they haven started yet
so we went to the beach to suntan
suntan for awhile then our phones rang one after another
the sun disappeared n me n mt decided to go into the water
meiling din wanna go in so she looked after our stuff
then aaron n heman came to join us
they din suntan neither de they enter the water
heman just sat in the shade
while aaron sat there with meiling
then di n me decided to go up the tower
i went to look for the craving
it's still there
but i realised i need to crave deeper
it's like so shallow
i shall do that de next time
then went back there n had sort of like a shower
n it was "chicken time"
opened the chicken n eat
haha
heman din eat
the four of us ate though
aaron went to get drinks for us
he came back n eat while down into the water di n me went
then stayed in the water then got up to "shower"
then style hair then go for the parade
when we went there the parade already started
they were to march all the way to the start of siloso beach
so just walked behind them

sembwinds rock!
they played damn powerful
we talked to mr chew
he said encouraging things like
if our practice time din get cut off we would have done better
so it wasn't really our fault after all
then he told us y he wasn't happy with the school n system
agree totally with him
our school system is like that
but we dont have to authority to change it
then walked all the way down n had to go n meet gena
but she was kinda late la
the parade was at the near end
then the parade ended n we went back to the bus stop
got on a bus to get us the departure centre
n we walked out to the mrt station
cause there were tons of ppl waiting for the bus
n my legs are gonna break soon
n i'm now burnt
having sunburn on my face

then went to meet parents for dinner
then go to supermarket to get stuff for the chalet this thursday
n here i'm blogging n resting my foot

u made me so serious one moment
and the next moment u have me laughing
laughing real happily
when u said u have control over me now
no u dont
because u have full control over me since the day i fell for u
u could make me have a change in mood in a split second
u could make me forgo something just to talk to u
even if it means having to eat at midnight
just to talk to u
i will do so
u r very important to me
i dont wanna lose u
i dont wanna u to leave too
i wanna be able to c u
talk to u
i hope that u will tell me ur doubts abt me
whether is it because u dont trust me or whatever
just tell me
i will listen to you
n we will iron things out together
hopefully things will be fine after that

Rayne #02
Sixteen
300890
Addicted to Cornet & Drums
Friendster

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