even though we arent attached to each other
i have long treated u like ur mine
i miss those days of happiness with u
days which belonged to only the two of us
happy times which kept us going
i wanna hold u tight and nv let u go

freaking quarrelled with parents at 4.30 AM!
AM!!
mum wake me up then ask me wanna go i say no already
then still continue to nag and talk
at first i was thinking whether i should go
then later dad came in
is like der
hello!
i said no
and i decided that i will not go
if we can like quarrel every half a day
i think just stay away from each other better la
defeats the purpose to quarrel every time
waste energy
and ur reasonings are all those which dont make sense to me
then later say if dont go dont go out
that was when started quarrelling
it's like
what the ..
it doesnt make sense to me to go
i go there also see ur buy things then what i do
help ur carry all ur bags
i do look like a maid every holiday
i might as well go out in singapore
makes more sense to me
and all thanks to the quarrel i'm wide awake now
i cant go back to sleep
so pissed la
early in the morning also gotta quarrel
thought today will be a peaceful day
but it doesnt make a diff to me

i dont know why
but i dont seem to be getting along with my parents nowadays
they just dont understand what i want
they just dont c with their eyes and say i nv study
then say i cannot play com anymore
what the hell la!
my younger sis play com for so long
and results all so bad
with all the failing
still can play
no logic la
not say i nv do well la
i do like how i normally do for all my other exams and test la
so pissed!
then later quarelled with them over tml's trip to KL
they wanna me go at first yesterday i told them i dont wanna go
already quarrel with them
then today i come home from school
wanna like have a family holiday
then later they started quarrelling with me
they ask whether wanna on the auto roaming
i say on
cause i still wanna receive sms from u
they say if on the roaming
my friends later keep calling
later hp bill very high
then dont ask me in the first place la
just make the decision of not on-ing
come ask me then quarrel
after that say my attitude getting from bad to worse
come on la
i dont mix with ppl outside for like ages already
then school ppl i have been mixing for months or years
so the problem must be lying in the family
then if that's the case i should go out more often la
i haven made up my mind whether i should go anot

if i do go, remember this..
i will be thinking of u every moment
no matter where i am u will nv be forgotten
no matter what happens in future u will still have me

things are finally sorted out
so it wasnt anyone in the wrong
it was just all misunderstanding here and there
it was just a waste of time
but at least all the misunderstanding is cleared
and we have found the answer to it
sorry man..

damn parents forcing me to go to KL with them
i dont wanna go man
one night also wanna go
then sunday come back so late
i got common test on monday la
so suck
cant they just think thru their big brains
and they tell me to study on friday
dont force me to go if not i will get bad results for u to c
how to remember something u studied two days ago in detail

i thought u were a bro
but what did u do
u rather "betray" ur bro because of a girl
so now what girls are more important than brothers
have u really treated us like brothers
i really dont think i can trust u
i trusted u with the secret but u gave it away
maybe i din tell u but u knew it
even then if nobody ask y did u say it out
even if somebody asks u shouldnt say out
if they wanna know they can come and ask me
enough of that

today had band
mr kelvin came
he's kinda good la
he trys to pick us up
he wants us to get on the path
he does things different from mr masree and mr chew
but we have to adapt
he is gonna arrange for a concert for us
maybe at the end of the year
feel so happy
finally able to have a show of our own or rather just for bands
hope the school approves
he went thru the b flat major scale
he taught us warm ups and downs
there was a part where he asked me if i have taught my junior lipping
i said yes
and he turned to my junior and asked
"has HE taught you?"
everybody said"NO... SHE.."
he asked the question again
and he asked the question for a total of 3 times
before he realised that the question should be
"has SHE taught you?"

after i promised not to say i really didnt say
i swear i didnt say
dont even doubt me
search my soul it will still be the same answer
y cant we just forget abt everybody around us
and just make a world belonging to both of us
please look back
i wanna have the happy times
that we used to have that belonged to both of us
i want no one else except u
i dont wanna lose u
turn back and look
we'll throw those bad times and keep those good times
those times that we were close
i dont wanna be like now
we look like we dont even know each other
when we do know each other
when ppl are around us i dont mind looking like a stranger
but i dont wanna be a stranger when it's just u and me
i wanna be someone who loves and cares for u
someone who picks u up if u even were to fall
someone to heal u from ur hurts
this time my love is real

i dont know y
but i feel that i have neglected u
i dont seem to be always there for u
just like yesterday night
i din c ur sms
i felt very bad after that
as much as i wanted to comfort u i couldnt
there are many other things

some things are really unpredictable
whenever i have something very important to do
something will happen and i cant be there for u
and when i have all the time in the world to comfort and care for u
nothing goes wrong
some things really do happen at the wrong time

to u all that i have said is just words and no action
as u know i'm a person who cant really express my love and care well
is not that i just say and no action but i just cant express myself well
i m and will try very hard to express myself
so i hope what i give to u on ur b'day will make u surprised and touched
i dont wanna give something common that ur friends would give
i wanna give u something that u cannot think of
something that u do not expect

i'm also a person that sometimes just dont know what i have done wrong
tell me if u think that i have done wrong
let me know and i will not do it again

trust me i do really love u
i dont wanna lose u
the pain is bad
i have hurt you deeply before
i want to heal those hurts as much as i can
i want to be the person there for u
and i want u to be the person there for me

today went for the cremation of ah gong
but before that we had to go to ah gong's house
reached there abt 9
went to change up into the clothes
went downstairs
the others ate breakfast then i din
got to wait for all the ritual and things to finish
it lasted for at least two hours
after that we all saw ah gong for the last time
before they close up the coffin
8 relatives and friends helped to carry the coffin and walk
it was like my ah gong's side de ppl not our own ppl
the coffin aint light
all the grandson's had to carry the "sedan chair" made of paper and wood
it's quite heavy too
then the rest of us just walk at the back barefooted
it was really quite a long journey
but those carry the "sedan chair" had to walk a longer distance
the rest of us got onto the bus first before they did
then reached the crematorium
they had the last ritual
the children grandchildren and great grandchildren had to stand in between of the rows of chairs
then we spilt ourselves out into guys and girls
with the guys standing on the right and the girls on the left
then after awhile we all went over to the viewing hall
it is a place where we can c the coffin enter the furnace
it is very high-tech and the design of the whole building is very nice
then after the coffin enters the furnace
we all went to the exit
those with the surname lau or low on one side
and the rest on another
those without the surname lau or low had to take off the socks and clothe on our sleves
then we can leave
while those with the surname lau or low had to go back to ah gong's house and complete another ceremony before taking them out
near to ah gong's house
everybody got off the bus to walk back
it's part of the ceremony
then those who arent involved anymore can go and eat the food
those who havent finished the ceremony had to complete it
i dont have any idea what they did upstairs
as i did not go up
but we din stay for long after that
and we went for dinner

tonight is the last day of the funeral
but it is my first day going there
i wonder how does ah gong look now
is he still the good looking and cheerful ah gong
tml is the cremation
the last time we'll all c ah gong
then sunday gotta go and collect his ashes
then go with the family to put the ashes at the temple
but my family and some cousins arent going in

monday got bio common test 6 chapters
wonder when will i have the time to study
if i really dont do well this time
i guess i dont have a choice
i will just have to work super hard after this
hope i will find time to study at least abit ba
or just being able to understand the past chapters then can le

nowadays got common tests on monday and tuesday
so jialat
so stress
end of year faster come
o levels faster come
then off i go

sometimes it is just how things are put in place
friends are more important than me
i understand that
until yesterday did i know that
i just have to accept it
it's my punishment for hurting u
the hurt is something that cannot be erased
i dont ask for anything
i dont wanna rank first or anything
i just want u to be happy
i dont wan my world to collapse another time
the hurt is very bad
i dont wanna fall and nv stand up again
even if we'll nv be able to turn back time
i will still be holding on even if u do not wan to anymore
no matter how the world changes
u will still rank 1st in my heart

granddad passed away this afternoon
went home after assembly to bathe
then go back for oral
reached home mum told me ah gong passed away a few hours ago
at that point of time i felt happy for him
cause he's living in a world of no troubles and worries now
it's really now when he is living a good life
i believe he will do what he promised my cousins
i will not forget the times spent with him
but i regretted not talking to him since he came out of coma
i nv went to visit him after he woke up
maybe even calling him would be good enough
but now i wont get the chance to talk to him again
times when we talked and laughed
very nice feeling
i believe granddad will see this
i wont forget the nickname he gave me

i must have gave u a fright by appearing in front of u
my actions very fast right
cannot believe right
appear fast leave also fast
pro right
haha

came home saw that my hp cover got scratches!
argh!
kill myself
must be let my key scratch de
when i put it in there
i need a hp pouch soon
i will get it
my beloved hp getting scratch
sads

yesterday went to church
nth much actually
just that i did something dumb
while closing the windows i slammed onto my own finger
so smart of me
and it's purple now
should i go and c a doc
but if i do then i wont be able to play for ndp
if i dont then what if got blood clot in there
haiz..
hesitating
tell me what to do pls

after church went to eat laksa with my parents and sis
saw clara and gang there
haha
din know that they were going there too
haha
then we were like laughing la
haha

maybemy family gonna change church
cause some problems came up
not sure
if change then i dont wanna go already
if dont change then can play drums all those
c how things go ba
no choice then will change

u were the one who called
but i din pick
very sorry
felt bad after u told me
hope u do understand and dont ignore me
this proves that my judgement isnt that good afterall
maybe i should learn a lesson from this
and take a chance as long as ur hse or hp no. appears
i will take a chance from now onwards
i thought about it
even if ... calls
it's nothing new cause i got called a few times already
since i do love u
i shouldnt be afraid
i shouldnt be just backing out
i would stand up from now onwards
i would do anything i can

i got calls from ur house
but i din pick it up
i din feel good abt that phone call
i wonder if it was you who called or ur...
guess u know who i am refering to
but if it was u who called i m sorry
something told me that that phone call wasnt right
so i din pick it up
i dont know if my feelings were wong, im sorry
if it was really ... i dont know if i have done wrong
i might have gotten u into trouble
u will have to face the music urself
something which i dont like

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

look out of ur window
count the stars in the sky
the number of stars represents how much i love u
the stars cannot be counted
there are too many
how much i love u cannot be counted
even though i dont say it out
i do love u with all my heart
u are already living in me
part of my life is all about you
i dont care what others say
it's my decision and not theirs

some things and words are meant to be kept in the heart
even if i dont show or say that i love u all the time
trust me u have an important place in my heart

played mu the moment i came home
but have to stop half-way to help mum mop the floor
as her hand is injured
so i had to cook dinner tonight
cooked fried rice and a soup
had my mum guiding me along
when i told dad that i was gonna cook
he gave the "huh! can eat anot?!" reply
but it's proven that my food can be eaten
dad brought mum to eat the chinese doc
leaving me and sis at home
din see granddad today cause my mum gone to c the doc
but granddad's fine
he's still the happy granddad i have
he's lucky to have grandchildren staying over with him every night

had pe today
legs are aching after the pe
lessons today werent that boring
came home and asked my mum where was younger sis
then heard her voice so different
then she told me dad brought younger sis to c granddad
mum din really tell me clearly
then i asked her y din she go
and she told me cause she din wanna c ppl sheding crocodile tears
and dad quarrelled with her because of this
then i told her i going out to buy pen then she told me to buy coffee

then on my phone and dad asked me to call him
he din picked up but he called me back
he asked me if i was going down but i said i was gonna stay at home with mum
then he told me not to irritate her
then i told him
u tell me not to irritate her then u quarrel with her
she dont wanna go is her choice
then he just kept quiet then said okie u go home and accompany ur mum

"ur still the gal in my heart"
this is what i told u
and i do mean it
i really wanna be with u
but it's not really my decision
but it's urs
apart from that we got many things standing in our way
hopefully we will be together one day
sorry i din come online in time to talk to u
really sorry
i was held up at the hospital
thought i would leave at 8 but things happened
so i couldnt leave
instead i got pissed off
or rather my blood boiled
not going to say anymore abt it
if u dont mind listening to my explaination come and ask me
i do wanna hold u tight in my arms
but do i have a chance?
hopefully one day i will have a chance
no matter how my place in ur heart changes
ur place in my heart will nv change

tml gonna have a band perfermance
really hope that u will come
cause this might be one of our last performances
come and prove to me that i'm still important in ur heart

everything is just ur youngest daughter
everything she wants u will give to her
bloody hell even one show also cannot miss
tv is just a drama must follow until like dont know what
so pissed la
take me like a fool
so if i din come home then how
who record
everytime only know how to order me around with all those threatens
i'm pissed enough in school
cant ur just let me have peace when i'm home
u ppl are always quarelling with me just because of my younger sis
how great it that
i forgot that she's the daughter of urs
whom ur claim that need more attention cause she's still hasnt grown up
ya a primary 6 kid who is just like a k1 kid
how bad can that be
if only i had a week out
having a break
i think i will happier
i guess i will do that after my o level
fall down injured hand then big thing la
i fall down cannot walk also nobody cares right
in the end i also just walk around myself right
cant u guys just be more fair
instead of making me and elder sis think
that ur are so unfair to the older ones

those sec 1 in the band also can piss me off excluding meiling
dont c a reason y they just seem not being able to be more auto
heard from the teacher that u guys parents called her
said that we din let ur have lunch
hey guys wake up!
it's not we nv let ur have lunch
we gave ur one hour for lunch
but what were ur doing
ur were in the band room playing
ur were playing and ur parents called up the teacher saying ur din have lunch
and the teacher told me that i din give ur lunch
isnt that so great
one hour of lunch is a luxury already
the seniors only have 15 mins the most 30mins
and u guys have 1 hour
if u guys spend ur time wisely there will be more than enough time for lunch

nobody will understand the shit i'm facing

since school started
we have talk so much lesser
i do miss u alot
but is there anything i can do to change this fact
i'm sorry but i cant
i love u too much
that i cant let u go
it will be torturing to do that
i c u everyday but u dont
cause i'm always walking behind u
even if we meet face to face we dont talk
y do we feel like strangers in front of friends
cant we just talk like how we always talk
when it's only both of us
friends are important
u wont wanna lose these good friends just because of me
maybe my world isnt ur world
maybe u dont belong here
i dont know
a part of my heart wants u to be in the world of me
and another doesnt want
i dont know where do u even wanna be at
maybe u urself dont even know

i'm getting all stressed up
every night i keep thinking abt it
i dont know who do u really like
nobody has the answer except u
there are so many ppl for u to choose
i dont know where to go from here
i'm just waiting here
i have been waiting
i guess i have to carry on waiting
dont have to ask me
i'm sure i do love u
i will tell u when i do not anymore
cause i think u will only hear that after a very very long time
everytime even if i'm awake or asleep
i will c darkness
i dont know what's call real happiness to me anymore
i wake up everyday with this heavy heart
i dont feel happy
looks like the sentence
is no longer in use
i walk all over the place with that no-feeling face of mine
i dont know when did this started
until ppl around me started telling me
i dont even know it
hope is all that i have

will u ever come back to me again?
sometimes it's worth it to turn back
hope u will come this sunday

Rayne #02
Sixteen
300890
Addicted to Cornet & Drums
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